Sooo Sleepyyy

Came to work today and my IT colleague told me that the server said bye bye and there is no eta when the server will be back to normal.

All my work and stuff are saved in the shared directory from the server. This means : NO WORK CAN BE DONE! Hehe. Yay!

But I am extremely bored to death now and my eyelid are like now weighing more than 100 tons. ZzZzZzZzZz~~

Being surfing the net since morning and I feel my eyes want to pop out. I'm know extremely bored to death and my eyelid are like now weighing 100tons each side.. /yawn.

Hurry.. time fly to 6pm pls~~

I'm ok now..

I'm fine now.. went for a 1 hour excercise and more or less walked off my anger and disappointment. Pretty much settled now.

I will just let it be and whatever happen will happen. Nothing much I can do since it has happened..
Come what may..

Peace out..

I am furiously mad!!!!!!!!!!!

I am so angry !!!!!!! My blood is boiling !!!!!!!
I want to rant! I want to rave!
I have the urge to pull all my hair !!!
I am feeling so freaking damn snappy now!!!!!!!

Should I be forgiving and have a more open heart ?!?!?!?!?!?!
Should I actually be feeling happy for them NOW ?!?!?!?!?!?!
Maybe I should be elated and jumped crazyily with joy but I am feeling so confused now!!!!!

GODAMNIT !!!!!!!! FCUK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


My sister in-law went into labour and gave birth to a baby today at 8.15pm.
At 8.45pm, hubby received a call from my father in-law saying she had given birth and just wanted to let him know.
Both my father and mother in-law are now at the hospital.
WHAT BULLSH*T IS THIS ?????????

No doubt that we still heard the news but shouldn't my brother in-law be calling my hubby and tell him this good news???? For God's sake, my hubby is his ELDER BROTHER!
What the hell does he treat my hubby as ???? AN OUTSIDER ????

The way they treating us are like we are just SOME INSIGNIFICANT HUMAN BEINGS EXISTING IN THIS WORLD AND JUST THAT WE HAVE SOME BLOOD RELATION AND LEGALLY BINDING MARRIAGE LAWS!!!

Don't tell me that his brother was too overjoyed and only called his FATHER to tell him this freaking news! I bet my brother in-law called tons of HIS friends also!!!!!

Throughout her pregnancy period, I was really happy for her! When we met up, I was chatting happily with her about her baby and kept touching that tummy to feel any baby's movement. Both of them KNEW how I felt! I really wanted to feel happy for her but HOW SHOULD I BE FEELING HAPPY NOW !

What the hell! I am extremely exasperated!!!! I am so uptight!!!!

I feel so cast away.. so isolated from that family..

Deep down, I knew that my father in-law favoured my sister in-law a lot a lot. She have a much better qualification than me, she have a very sweet mouth and know how to please our father in-law and make him very happy. In fact, both she and her hubbby knew how to make him delighted! I'm just being me who don't know how to curry favour people.

When we went for family trip, my father in-law will brag and boast about my sister in-law's achievement to STRANGERS over dinner.. "She is from XXX , am now a XXX, she was awarded XXX, her so-and-so is XXX, very famous!"

Many times over family dinner, he will "XXX, eat this, XXX eat that" All his attention are just focus on her and her husband. I will sit there quietly enjoying my dinner while my hubby squeezed my hands. I felt hurt and invisible and basically transparent. Even my mother in-law came up to me and tell me not to mind what my father in-law did and that he is just such a person.

When my hubby and I were late for family dinner, my father in-law always face black black and they were already eating when we arrived. BUT when my brother & sister in-law were late, me and my hubby have to often wait for them to come and my father in-law always greeted them with a smile!!!!!!!

Should I be totally ok with this bullsh*t ?!?!?!

I knew I only had a Diploma, not a sweet talker and not jovial or talkative in front of them! I don't know what to say or what to do to make my father in-law so happy that he is over the moon. I am just an ordinary person surviving in this world! This is what I am when facing them! BECAUSE I WAS CONSTANTLY FEELING PROCRASTINATED AND I FELT I AM NOT EXISTING AT ALL !!

I reached my limit as a human being, as their "sister in-law", as a "daughter in-law". My inferiority complex is kicking in and I need to vent out. In their eyes, I am not considered a family member? In their eyes, is my status just still being a girlfriend ??? WHOM AM I IN THEIR EYES??

My hubby is mad mad mad too! He knew how my father in-law treats them and that's why he always didn't say too much stuff to them. But he can control his anger, I can't!!!!!!

My 5 years plus of frustration and feeling that I have bottled up is exploding!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I feel like crying now.

ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bye Bye Privacy

I'm packing my stuff.

The company I'm working in have just completed the second phase of the expansion and we are going to move to the other building next Monday.

Presently, me and my other three colleagues are sitting inside a room and my work station is situation on the opposite end of the door. It's a cosy little corner by the window. If I am feeling tired, I will just look out and gaze at the sky and greeneries. Through here, I can do my personal stuff like working on my blog, check email, surf web, chit-chat on forums etc. But when I shift to the new building, it will be entirely different. The company adopted an open concept and whatever you are doing can be seen by others. Boo!

So I'm afraid that I can't do my personal stuff frequently and freely now. Sigh...

Bye Privacy. I hope I can meet you soon!

Weird? Whose weird?? Me ???

I have been tagged !!!

Our cute pesky comprain queen Wen has tagged Studygroup peeps to post 5 weird things of ourself and it's my turn now to talk about myself..

What part of me is weird? How weird am I?

1) I absolutely hate the sound of metal knocking against each other or when stainless steel spoon or fork drop on the floor.
The cling cling clang clang sound is utterly dreadful and hateful. That high pitch will often send shivers down my spine and I always had major goosebumps.

The worst experience I had was in Korea, Korean used stainless steel cutlery and even the rice and soup bowl is also made from stainless steel. My every single meal during that Korea trip gave me goosebumps. It was an absolutely horrifying experience.

2) I love to eat rice with Keropok (prawn crackers) and a small dip of light soy sauce.
I will just snap off a small piece from the Keropok, spread rice on top of the Keropok and then drop a tiny dip of light soy sauce on the rice.

IT'S ABSOLUTELY HEAVENLY AND DIVINE !!!

My mum says I inherited this weird eating habit from my late grandpa. The thing is, my grandpa passed away before I was even born. Thus, I attributed this eating habit to his genes.

3) I love horror movies and I loved to be scared out of my wits.
When I am watching horror shows in cinema or at home, I will cover my ears but my eyes will be wide open. I will cowered over to my hubby.

You know, that moment when you can feel that the murderer/evil spirit is going to appear and silence the victim in a totally brutally manner, it's terribly exciting !!!!! I was totally expecting that to happen and am waiting for the evildoers to trounce on the poor souls.

But when it happens, I screamed out loud in fear and jumped in fright. Haha!!

Very often, I was the one making my hubby scared because my reaction was damned freaking big. I'm one of the first few people or the only one to scream and people in the cinema will laugh.. evil beings..

My favorite show is The Ring I and I watched it 3 times.. I got totally spooked, screamed until I lost my voice. Had nightmares and was frightened to stay at home alone as I'm afraid that Sadako will crawl out from my TV. Afraid of the dark and need to be in the companion of friends always.

4) I day-dream a lot. They are all nonsensical yet happy.
Some of the clouds that I have built so far are :
- Lun GeGe (Jay Chou) and Aniki Jin Chen Wu are fighting over me but can't have me as I am married.
- Lun GeGe wrote a song for me and his love for me.
- Chen Wu said we were lovers in our past life and our next next life will be lovers again. (I told him hubby had already reserved my next life).
- Very often, I will travel to Hong Kong for timsum, Italy for spaghetti, held parties in my Scotland castle or my private island near Maldives. Go for horse-riding in Australia. Fly to Japan in my plane for some good old SKII spa and facial sessions.
- Dreamt that I am a princess or damsel in distress and a Knight in Shiny Armor will rescue me from Mother Evil. We lived happily ever after.

Imagine the face of my hubby when I told him this.

5) I always pull my hair to feel the texture. It's a habitual thing. I will feel the texture and if it's extremely coarse, I will put that strand out. Don't ask my why, I JUST DO IT...

I hope the above revelation wouldn't let anyone perceive me as a weirdo.. If it does, at the very least, I am UNIQUE !!!

Buenos Propósitos de Año Nuevo

I love Spanish.. To me, Spanish sounded so smooth, slick and flowery..

So, to kickoff my first 2006 post for the Chinese New Year, I'm gonna have a ultra cool español title. Stylo milo siah!!!

Buenos Propósitos de Año Nuevo means New Year Resolution.

For me, a new year resolutions means a commitment that I'm making in a bid to change my lifestyle, for the better. Plans that I made are established for a regular short or medium-term time intervals.

Sounds pretty steady pom bi-bi and very promising right??

Ya right.. As if I have fulfilled all the past resolutions made so solemnly at that point in time! Every year, my resolutions revolves around the same unaccomplished stuff.
1) Lose weight (my bigga bigga priority)
2) Start to save money (my super bigga bigga priority!)
3) Take up language course (starting with Japanese, Spanish, Italian)
4) Book a date for advanced theory, take up driving lessons
5) Get a damn well-payed job in a damn good working environment and boss/superior recognise my effort.

But this year, after going through some stuff, I've changed my mindset and I only have ONE resolution now.

I want to work on my health and make my body stronger.

I only have one explantion for that.. So here goes :

On the second day of lunar new year, I discovered to my horror that 3 boils have surfaced on my body. The next day, the boils swelled rapidly, the circumference is almost the same as the size of a fist. My hubby was worried and with my approval, he started to squeeze the boils so the pus will come out. Well the pus did came out and he almost used up the entire box of tissue. The pus burst out from the swollen area and it was like never ending. I really got scared.

We thought that after the pus came out, things will turn for the better. Sadly, it didn't.
Couple of days later, I had a total of 10 boils on my body and had developed a fever by then. We decided that we had to seek a second opinion (previously I had seen a doctor for a suspected cysts on the back of my body) and made an appointment with the doctor who had many months ago removed the cysts on my knee.

The doctor after having seen my condition diagnosed that my skin resistance to virus or insect bites and my immunity system is extremely weak and needed immediate medical help. He prescribed antibiotics, anti-inflammatory and anti-swelling medicine for me to eat and antiseptic cum antibacterial wash for my skin. He warned me not to squeeze out any pus. I now know that the pus that flowed out was not from the skin abcess. The pus that flowed out was from the infected area collecting around the actual damaged tissue. It isn't making my condition better. This skin abscess can prevent deeper tissues from functioning properly. The infection can spread though my bloodstream and may cause severe complications.

At that moment, I was really sad and lost for words. I am already very depressed seeing all those boils on my body while staring at myself in the mirror. I looked utterly hideous.

The doctor seeing my facial expression comforted me and say all is not lost. If I really needed an operation after one week of medication and wash, he will cut and drain the abscess to clean the area and control the infection.I will also have to take Vitamin C and antibiotics and use prescribed wash for six months to build up my skin resistance and immunity system. I will also have to watch my diet and he encouraged me to do exercise like brisk walking as it will help greatly.

We chatted for a while more before I head for home with my one week supply of medicine. I felt torn to pieces and was on the verge of a breakdown. My health failing on me.


The next day, the Studygroup peeps came for CNY gathering. I told a couple of girlfriends about my condition and I really felt like crying but I hold back. At that point in time, I felt that things will get better after I get this thing out of my chest and it really did. As we were chatting about other stuff later, playing poker and in between, my mood lightened and I really didn't feel anymore depress. It's a good thing they came and rescue me from the abyss. Watching their shocked and comical expression when they tio tiang really make me laugh my heads off. (Sorry guys, I didn't mean to do this at the expense of your $$$ !) Thanks for the emotional comfort!

So, NOW, as I am posting this entry. I'm on the fifth day of my medicination. I went for brisk walks twice with my hubby and another couple who just lived few blocks away from me. (It really felt good to exercise! Damn!) I've watched my diet and eat many fruits. I've loaded my body with vitamin pills and drank plenty of water. The boils have reduced in size and I know my body is putting up a strong fight and battling against the virus. Also, my studygroup peeps have been giving me suggestions on fruits I should eat and how I should detox (even though some methods are utterly lame ass!) have really touched me a lot..

Without a good health, I won't even need to think of the other resolutions that I made in the past year. There isn't even a need to think how I am gonna enjoy my life and have a fulfilling lifestyle.

So my heartfelt and solemn resolution now is To Have a Good and Strong Health.

The desire and need to make this resolution a success is burning inside me. I'm fully confident to say that I know I won't play play or give up. This will be a long term resolution and I will prevail!

So, if you can, I need some emotional and mental support!!!! /bear hug