Frens..

Yesterday, my hubby asked me a question :

“Who is your best friend?”

Of course, he didn’t ask this out of the blue. Just a couple of days ago, he went out with his two best friends for dinner and drinks. He was telling me how the gathering went and how he was picked up by a gal. I was listen intently especially on that stranger gal when he shoot me that question. I wasn't prepared for that question, got a shock and just replied :

“You lor” …

And he replied, “Husband and best friend are different” … I kept silence and hurrily go to kitchen to do my laundry stuff..

That night, as I was lying on the bed staring at my hubby, I am kinda envious of him. He had known his two best friends (a guy and gal) since secondary school and they are very close up till now. I know that due to their busy schedule, they weren’t able to meet up often but their thoughts are always with each other and they genuinely care for each other.

I then began to think of who are my best friends. I started to list them out mentally.
After 5 mins and having erased my hubby from the ‘Best Friend’ list, my list show a big fat ZERO.

I felt a teeny weeny bit of sadness and could literally feel my heart sank. I could feel the pain in my heart.

Does one have or can have best friend for life? Is the existence of a human living in this world considered worthy and valuable if he/she have a best friend for life?

In times of trouble or when I need to pour my woes and sadness, who can I seek other than my hubby? Who truly appreciate me for whom I am and our love for each other is purely platonic. Who truly believes in me, for whatever the nonsense I deliver. Is there anyone that I felt our relationship was built based on laughter, happiness, sadness etc and we will last a long time?

Again, my answer is : No one now. Not anymore.


I used to have 2 best friends on different times of my life.

During my childhood, I had a best friend for 7 years. We knew each other in Primary One. Things went wrong gradually as we grow up and began to developed a more complicated thinking. Even though we really have a clash of personality, we still stuck out for each other.

When I was 12, a guy jumped into both of our life and he showed me how fragile my relationship with her was. We entered into a love-triangle relationship (Oh, so drama-mama!). She asked me to come to her place, we had a huge fight where she just didn’t believe that I didn’t have any interest in that guy. It ended unpleasantly at her place as I just stormed out of her house. Couple of days later, she called me on the pretext of wanting to apologies to me in person so the forgiving me arrived at her place. I was deceived. I was corned and beaten up by her and a bunch of gals she knew from outside. I put up a fight but couldn’t win as it was many to one. I was physically thrown out of her house and she told me to never contacted her anymore.

And I did.


Fast forwarding to the future, I knew a gal later through MIRC.. We were really comfortable with each other and grew close extremely fast. At that point in time, I thought I could have a friend who really understands and appreciate me and treated me as soulmate. We lasted only 4 years sadly when we had a major clash in marriage views and we stopped contacting each other.

At this point, I felt some drops of tears. Am I not worthy of someone’s attention and platonic love? I felt depressed.. maybe deep down, I'm pessimistic.

Refusing to feel depress further, I thought of my friends from Studygroup. They are really a bunch of extremely good friends. We really got close to each other even though the majority of us knew each other for less than a year. /hug Studygroup. I invested a lot of my feelings, time and emotion into them. I truly wanted us to be lifelong pals..really I wish for this..

But I know I won’t choose one or two out from this group and have them as my best friends. This will split the group. I want all of us to be close together.

I have a lot a lot of extremely good friends, good friends etc. Just that there’s a blank in the Best Friend section of my heart.

Maybe as my life moves on, I will have someone who I can introduce and say, “This is my best friend. Pls say hi!”

To all those who have best friend, I envy you all. From the bottom of my heart, I truly madly deeply really wish you and your best friend will be with each other other very close and be best friend for life.