Bad Wang Wang!!!

I did something extremely terrible. Two days ago, I was in an extremely bad mood. It's probably due to extreme stress from work and frustration arising from lack of understanding in Company Law's lecture. In the car, I warned Hubby that he better don't antagonise me as I am feeling very grouchy.

He did it and it was a successful attempt...

I guess he purposely tried to frustrate me so I can vent out...

However, what came out from my mouth surprised me even. I sprouted profanities seriously at him and gave him a piece of my mind.

I immediately regretted it. However, being still highly irritated at him, I just said "When I cool down, I will say sorry to you."

I seriously think what I said is complete bullshit lor!

When you started saying vulgarities, you should IMMEDIATELY apologise. Of course I can argue that when I am so pissed off, I became irrational and said stuff without thinking but what's the point in hurting your loved ones using those super nan-ting words and regretting it later? Before you even said them, you should consider the impact of your words and how the receiver will feel.

I was extremely guilty.... to the point I feel like crying because I hate myself at that point in time.

I think 30 seconds later, which was just the right time as I arrived at the school foyer, I said sorry. Hubby just smile at me and kiss me, which makes me feel even more sad but touched. Later on, as I was making my way to the lecture hall, I shed a few tears...

Why do I ever did such things? There were occassions where I say vulgarities but I was only joking or it was just a phrase which didn't meant anything at that point in time. However, I was seriously meaning what I said when I scolded him with all those nan-ting words. I absolutely hated myself for that.

I decided that no matter how angry or upset I am, I won't ever want to say those super nan-ting words to him because the aftermath is really unbearable. The feeling of being totally disgusted and hating yourself makes you just want to jump off a building.

So, here's my 2007 resolution, in no order of preference as they are all task that I have to accomplish :

(1) Work hard for my study and leave no regrets for tomorrow. No regrets = no nightmare.
(2) Pay my bills dutifully and immediately, leave no room for excuses like "forget to pay" and cause event that may make Hubby upset. (P.S. Shawn, thanks for the wallpaper on paying bills on time! I absolutely love it and it's still on my desktop! Luv ya!!!!)
(3) Don't say anymore those nan-ting words, no matter how angry/upset I am, as with the above opinion.
(4) Start saving and be financially independent (Dear dear, I saved $250 this month le!)

As with the badge that Hubby bought for me in 2007, I must be one good

BITCH!!!!!

It means : Babe In Total Control of Herself!