My "Oscar" Speech

Today is the 75th day of my absence. These 75 days will remain a painful but memorable journey. Scars will remain but they will heal.

The journey was tedious yet rewarding.
It's dark yet light was beaming radiantly and brightly at the other end.
It's mentally, physically and emotionally exhausting.
It threatens countless times to suck the living soul out of me. Just quit and give up.
Why not take the easy way out?
Why must you walk the road paved with debris?

There were times I felt I've exceeded my tolerance level. There were times where tears just flow freely down my cheeks while I am in a taxi on the way back or while I'm at home. I was screaming inside to just run away, to just quit. I'm a person who easily resigns to my fate.
The thing is, I am a frequent quitter when things get tough.
Frankly, I am just weak.

But what these 75 days had shown me was a discovery to the other side of me.
Self-motivation, perseverance, never-say-die attitude, determination and love were there to rescue me from the abyss.

Just last week, I returned home one day, feeling low and bruised (from a brutal verbal fight with colleagues) after a 15-hour work day. I couldn't contain my sadness and anger and immediately cried on my hubby's shoulder.
He told me "I'm very proud of you. You have become stronger, just that you didn't know." (This is roughly what he said; I couldn't remember the exact phrase)

I have no intention to recap the journey but I wish to express my emotions to the following people :

(1) To some of my current colleagues, the knowledge and experience I had is something I wouldn't exchange.
- Thanks for imparting the right knowledge to me (Though they are minor and are hardly considered valuable, I will still take them with me.)

- Thanks for misleading me with many wrong information (which you guys jolly well know they are wrong). It's because of all these wrong stuff that I went the extra mile to do research on wherever possible areas I could think off (never mind the scolding and impatient intonation I have had from calling people to enquire).
I gain valuable and true knowledge in the process. I particularly enjoy the part where I corrected all your wrongs and seeing the defeated look on your face. I became wiser as I am armed with these expertises which you guys lack. Thanks!

- Thanks for giving me such seemingly impossible deadline, if not for them, I wouldn't have reacted fast and accomplish those missions. I probably will remain a laidback and relax person.

- Thanks for giving me works that practically speaking, required 4 person to perform (as judged by my superior and MD). I have really learnt how to prioritize my current work, on top of other 'Super urgent' work you guys keep loading on me. I completed them, on my own, without showing my displeasure in front of you guys. I have gotten better at controlling my facial expression. (I handled claims, operation, sales and other many stuff for you guys. I braved the storm that threatens to not end. So I think you all should be pretty free. Isn't it?)

- Thanks for bugging me every 5 mins, alternated between you guys, on the SAME issue. I learnt how to treat you all with a smile (even though I'm screaming bloody murder inside my heart) and say "I'm busy now but I will come back to you later".

- Thanks for the endless interruption, I learnt to constantly save my work and improve my memory of where I stopped so that I can attend to you guys.

- Lastly, thanks for the politics and the backstabbing. I am slightly stronger now and not easily hurt and not overly sensitive. I've learnt to fight back with a good memory of the actual events that transpired.

If it weren't for you guys, the 2 bosses wouldn't have trust me so much and have faith in my ability and show genuine concern for me. This is the first time that I have received an early confirmation with a good increment while I am only still serving my second month of the three months probation. Never mind the fact that I don't have any social life.

(2) To the rest of my colleagues, thanks for showing your true care and concern. You really meant well for me and never hold back your knowledge. We all know that we really wanted to help one another.

(3) To my parents, I am sure that what ever happens cuts deep into our heart and had sliced them to pieces. I do not wish to recap, my heart is still raw from those wounds.

- Mother, we have become closer. I love you really a lot and I really want the best for you. Take good care of your health now and don't enter into depression again. Try to sleep without taking sleeping pills nightly. Don't over think and worry about things, remember your promise to start a new journey. You still have me.

- Father, you made me extremely sad by your actions but I can't blame you for whatever happened 30 years ago between you and mum. Though both parties are at fault and it's the children who suffers most, especially so for me since brother is in China and I as your only child available here to talk to. All I can say is that you do whatever you are happy now since you have been tormented ever since after Mother gave birth to me. You will still be my father. Just remember what I have told you. I wouldn't recognise that woman and I have no intention to see her. I have only 1 mother.

(4) To my secondary school friends, sorry for not attending our gatherings even after I promised to go. I was held back by work and couldn't turn my back on it. Thanks for being understanding. Thanks for the care & concern via the sms replies. Thanks for not scolding me when I couldn't turn up. Thanks for waiting for me to turn up, which I didn't. For good or for worse, true friends understand each other and pull you along.

(5) To my other friends, sorry for disappearing. I simply don't have the energy to go out after my work. Thanks for being understanding to my situation.

(6) Pauline, thanks for your constant sms and your care and concern. I sense you are troubled but you do not wish to lay your troubles on my already burdened shoulders. Thanks for being thoughtful.

(7) Lastly, thanks to you, my dear. No amount of words can express my gratitude. You were there for me. For better or for worse, till death do us part. Love you baby, endlessly and eternally.


It's an experience that I think will make me a better person and hopefully a better wife.